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One thing I’ve learned about about living in LA is that many times when you see “celebrities” you don’t even recognize them.

Apparently, I met and had an entire conversation with CCM singer and actress Rebecca St. James two weeks ago…without ever having realized who she was! LOL, and I totally had my IPod in my purse with her music on it!

I found this interview of her on Youtube. Be inspired!

Boundless has put together a pretty good guide to the Christian marriage process I thought I would share with you. (There’s also a guide for guys.)

Pay particular attention to the “Not Your Buddy” section. No, they’re not saying you can’t have male friends (my best friend is a guy) but they are calling girls out on those “friendships” that really aren’t. You know, that guy girls hang around with constantly just hoping he’ll turn into Mr. Darcy….

In any case, you can go to Boundless’ website and they’ll email you a copy, or here is a direct link to a PDF.

Look.

You know I keep it real here at Modestia. Like really real.

Modest girls do not, or at least should not, wear strapless bridal gowns. Or low cut bridal gowns. Or super busty bridal gowns (which for some reason there seems to be a lot of at my parish.) And this goes especially for Catholic brides. I touched on this a little bit during last year’s Modest Bridal Week in a post entitled, “The Case for Modest Bridal Wear: Five Reasons”. Below is some of what I said, with new comments in Modestia pink:

I know a fairly large number of very devout Catholic women who wore strapless gowns on their wedding day for whatever reason. [I find now that the "reason" is either not knowing where to get a modest bridal gown, or hating the selection of modest bridal gowns currently offered---two issues I'm trying to provide solutions for.] I’ve got 5 reasons as to why women should dress modestly on their big day:

1. If it isn’t appropriate to wear a strapless top or dress to a regular Sunday mass it is certainly not okay to do so while taking a sacrament. [Upon second reading I have no idea why I said "taking a sacrament." Within Catholic theology, we believe that the bride and groom "minister" the sacrament to each other, not the priest. The priest is only a witness to the ceremony.]

Unfortunately, many priests don’t set standards of modesty in their parishes today. But even out here in LA I think you’d be hard-pressed to find a woman rocking a tube top near the Blessed Sacrament on any given Sunday. [I was new to parish life in LA at the time. I've seen daisy dukes front and center at mass.] So why be immodest during a public sacramental ceremony? [Which again, speaks to the nature of what is happening during a marriage ceremony. We expect our priests to show up in proper attire during mass, don't we? If Fr. So-and-so showed up in jeans on your wedding day or any other religious event, everyone would be scratching their heads. The same goes for the groom. Why is it proper then, for the bride to have her DDs out during a sacramental ceremony?]

2. Immodest bridal wear uncovers what should not yet be revealed….

Go with me here for a second because I know it may sound like an ultra-conservative position. A number of us are going to get married as virgins. But MANY of us are going to get married as women who have previously fallen to lives of sexual sin and worked very hard to cooperate with God’s sanctifying grace in order to live a life of chastity. Regardless of past sins, after all that work to stay chaste and maintain your mystery during your relationship, why would you want to ruin the “surprise” for your fiancee and for yourself? If the two of you waited X amount of months or years to give yourselves wholly to one another, another 2 hours for a nuptial mass and a reception won’t kill him….or you…[Speaks for itself. I know there are some people that get really antsy whenever a Christian starts talking about women and sexual purity, so let me put it to you another way.  Everyone at your wedding knows you and your new husband are going to...ahem...engage in the "marital act" shortly after your wedding. I've heard some very awkward jokes during the reception myself after the alcohol has been flowing for a few hours.  Do you really want all of your friends and relatives to get a nice picture of what you're "working with" right before what is supposed to be an exclusive and intimate experience?  Because that's what you're doing if you're uncovered.]

3. Because it’s what your Mother did!

Take a look at the image header of this blog. Our Mother Mary is beautiful…and covered! If there is any woman we should model ourselves after on our wedding day it is the Blessed Mother who was wed to St. Joseph, her Most Chaste Spouse.

4. Because modesty in dress was and always will be a public testimony.

Let’s look at what scripture says about women on their wedding days:

Rebekah, wife of Isaac

“Isaac went out in the evening to walk in the field; and looking up he saw camels coming. And Rebekah looked up, and when she saw Isaac, she slipped quickly from the camel, and said to the servant, “Who is the man walking over there, walking in the field to meet us?” The servant said, “It is my master.” So she took her veil and covered herself…He took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her.” (Genesis 24: 63-67)

At this point in the story, Rebekah and Isaac had not physically met. Regardless of the cultural norms of the time, Rebekah veiling herself is a fitting example of covering oneself before the marital union is complete.

Unnamed bride

“The princess is decked in her chamber with gold-woven robes; in many-colored robes she is led to the king; behind her the virgins, her companions follow. With joy and gladness they are led along as they enter the palace of the king.” (Psalm 45: 12-15)

This particular psalm actually reminds me of a profession of vows for women religious. There is a certain joy in presenting oneself appropriately to God. That joy should not be lost on your wedding day.

Ruth, wife of Boaz

Now this was the custom in former times in Israel concerning redeeming and exchanging: to confirm a transaction, the one took off a sandal and gave it to the other…[Boaz] took off his sandal. Then Boaz said to the elders and all the people, “Today you are witnesses that I have acquired from the hand of Naomi all that belonged to Elimelech and all that belonged to Chilion and Mahlon. I have also acquired Ruth the Moabite, the wife of Mahlon, to be my wife…the elders said, “We are witnesses. May the Lord make the woman who is coming into your house like Rachel and Leah, who together built up the house of Israel. May you produce children…and through the children that the Lord will give you by this young woman, may your house be like the house of Perez, whom Tamar bore to Judah.” (Ruth 4: 9-12)

I absolutely adore the story of Ruth and think it is required reading for all Christian women. Don’t let the “women as a transaction” angle of the passage fool you; Ruth is a proactive woman who pursued Boaz because he was a holy man and she saw that he would make a godly husband.

This verse does not address modesty, but I selected it because it suggests something else: marriage as a public testimony. It may seem silly to us in our contemporary time, but this episode of Boaz taking off his sandal in front of the elders and others is a clear example of putting away selfish desires to give testimony through action. Instead of just marrying Ruth privately, Boaz does so in front of all in his tribe. The couple then receives a blessing—a blessing to have children that will hopefully build up the community. We sometimes tend to think of marriage as a private act when in fact it is not. Marriage is a public act. We need married couples dedicated to God within the church and society at large.

With regard to bridal wear, when a woman takes care to dress modestly on her wedding day in front of God, her fiancee, her family, his family, and her congregation, she is publicly testifying as to Whom is in the center of that union. We all want to look beautiful on our wedding day, but I would implore you to think about what your physical appearance says to others. We are called to be role models, especially for younger women.

5. There are so many beautiful modest gown options, (some in places you would never think to look) why would you want to dress immodestly?
Besides, strapless gowns don’t flatter every body type. [Correction: strapless gowns flatter hardly anyone. And that is gospel truth.]

If you have already gotten married and wore a strapless or otherwise immodest gown, please do not take offense. Like all spiritual matters, modesty is a developing and evolving virtue. I’m being firm in my tone because I’ve gotten a lot of “But Rebecca, but…” on this subject, even from modest-minded women. The fact of the matter is that a marriage ceremony is not a just another outing with your friends at a nightclub. We have become very relaxed as a society, even within Christian circles, about how we treat marriage and it shows within our weddings. When a bride’s appearance is an after thought, but you’re trying to scheme the groom or your parents into dropping five grand on some shiny crystal thing-a-ma-bob you don’t need, there’s something wrong.

Questions for me?

Image: Orbis Catholicus

I’ve just returned from my first ever silent retreat at the Sacred Heart Retreat Center run by the beautifully joyous Carmelite Sisters of the Most Sacred Heart of Los Angeles. I was really excited about going on the retreat 1) because I hadn’t been on one in over a year and 2) the retreat master was a CFR. Plus, with all of the drama that has happened over the last few months, it would be nice to have a little silence, right?

Well, low and behold the very first thing I learned on retreat is that silence is difficult….like…really difficult at least for me.

I arrived at the retreat house Friday evening and after registration and orientation the move into the retreat and official “silence” began. I found myself trying to schedule out my night—read the bible, do some praying, go to bed early, etc. to pass the time. I did the same thing Saturday morning, but after our first conference (when the retreat master spends some time preaching on a topic) I realized I wasn’t really being silent, but far from it. And so, I went to my room and put away all of the books I had brought with me to read (since reading isn’t silence either) and walked around the property. I would say it was about 20 minutes or so of just walking around the campus gardens when I was finally able to stop thinking about the million and one things on my mind. That same day I entered St. Francis’ Garden when a beautiful blue bird landed quite close to me. Then a squirrel did the same thing. I realized then I was not rushing about or anxious. I had actually achieved some level of silence and peace and henceforth the animals were not afraid to come near me.

The sisters gave us a handout with some saintly thoughts on prayer, my favorite of which is St. Teresa of Avila’s “bookmark”:

“Let nothing trouble you.
Let nothing frighten you.
All things are passing;
God never changes.

Patience obtains all things.
He who possesses God lacks nothing;
God alone suffices.”

How much silence do you have in your life? By “silence” I don’t mean just not talking, but a truly deep, quieting of the mind and heart where there is no “doing” only “being.” It is in this type of solitude where we can clearly hear God.

A point brought up during one of the conferences was that beyond the more obvious reasons why silence is difficult (i.e. busy schedules, technology) silence is also difficult because we may not necessarily believe what we find in this silence, that there is a God who loves us just as we are. It reminds me of the difference between a “professed” and “operative” image of God.

A professed image is what we claim to believe about God. For most Christians, this would be that God is a loving, all-knowing tri-partite deity, etc. But not everyone who says this actually believes it. A Christian individual may actually have an operative image of God where God is an absentee Father that you can’t really trust, Santa Claus who only shows up to give us what we want, or some sort of judgmental king that sits there waiting for the slightest sin as an excuse to send us to the fiery depths of the place that shall remain nameless. *wink wink*

Our retreat master told a true story of Catherine de Hueck Doherty, a Catholic woman that ran a home for poor immigrants from Communist countries in Canada. One morning, one of the laborers reported that they only had enough coal for the midday meal—after this last bit of could they would not only be unable to cook dinner for the immigrants, they would be freezing in the Canadian winter. Catherine went into the dining hall and told everyone to stop what they were doing so that they could pray that God would deliver them coal by 3 pm that day. In the corner, one of the immigrants, a young man that happened to be a communist and an atheist, yelled out that they were idiots for believing God would help them, since there is in fact no God. Catherine went back into her office where he periodically popped in, just to make sure she wasn’t calling anyone for help. (Catherine was a former Russian Baroness that had plenty of connections and wealthy friends.) As Providence would have it, a truck showed up at 2:59 pm with a load of coal for the home. Years later, Catherine received a First Mass card and a letter in the mail. It was from that same young man who had become a priest.

Spending more time in silence, or shall I call it solitude, which is wholly different from loneliness, can help us trust the sovereignty of the Lord. The intercession of the saints can also aid us in this trust, but also help us in developing a sense of pious humor. Another conference story is a perfect example of this:

St. Therese of Liseux’s mother called her the “Little Imp” which of course is a small monkey. One of the friars that has a particular devotion to St. Therese refers to her in his prayers as “Little Monkey.” One night, the CFRs were on retreat when that same friar, addressing St. Therese as his Little Monkey, asked for her to deliver them some bananas on their retreat. Not a minute later, the maintenance man for the retreat house showed up with a crate full of bananas he wanted to give the friars before he left for the night.

As I was sitting at the retreat listening to this story, I thought to myself, “Therese, you never do anything funny like this for me.” Well, fast forward a few hours later after the retreat had ended. My group of friends was about to part ways and leave to go home when one of the sisters came out running with a box full of food. Of all the food inside the kitchen including cookies and other goodies, what did she hand us? Bananas. (I didn’t think anything of it at first but then started laughing out loud on the drive home.)

Now this is a trivial example, but this example and the previous one about Catherine proves that there is a God that hears us right here and right now. He knows our needs and wants, and has a plan for each of us. Jesus said Himself:

“Are not five sparrows sold for two small coins? Yet not one of them has escaped the notice of God. Even the hairs of your head have all been counted. Do not be afraid. You are worth more than many sparrows.” (Luke 12:6-7)

Overall, the retreat was amazing. I ended up breaking my silence Saturday night because it was one of my CU girlfriends’ birthday and we had a little party with cake after the rest of the retreatants went to sleep. (And yes the nuns knew about it! They were so sweet in letting us do that for her.)

If you’re interested, I totally recommend you check out the Carmelite Retreat House. It’s GORGEOUS and they are oh so very fun to be around, and completely dedicated to helping lay people increase their spiritual awareness.

It really, truly, is.

An update on my friend—

The individual who shot my friend has been arrested and is now in jail. The police are still looking for the other two people that were in the car. My friend’s family asks that we pray for the shooter, that no harm comes to her while in jail, and that she have a conversion while awaiting trial.

I was able to see my hurt friend twice this weekend, once at Catholic Underground and again at mass the next day. She’s walking on her own, though very slowly, but her recovery is on track and she should be back to normal within a few months.

I hadn’t seen her in about two weeks, and just watching her walk made me cry. Life is beautiful. Please don’t forget it.

In other news, the father of a certain blogging friend of mine has passed away. She knows she has my support, and your prayers for her and her family would be appreciated.

My good friend Rosario submitted the following article to 4marks the other day, written by her sister Cecilia:

I never liked Lent when I was growing up. It was much too solemn and sad for me. My views have changed since then. My silent retreat has been a great precursor to Lent, which begins this week. I must say, I have been eagerly anticipating the solemn season for a while now. I have been narrowing my list of Lenten resolutions to a practical size.

In years past, I had a tendency to be overambitious at the beginning. By week two I would be overwhelmed and give up. The problem was I never prepared for Lent. The day before Ash Wednesday, I would frantically try to figure out what I was going to do and what I was going to give up. I wound up with a whole list of things and tried to do them all because I didn’t have time to discern what God wanted me to focus on

The last few years, I’ve had amazing Lenten seasons, even with the lack of preparation. This year, I’ve been preparing myself, not to make it easier, but as a sort of conditioning so I will be ready to give myself to each moment especially when that moment is difficult.

I never liked Lent when I was growing up. It was much too solemn and sad for me. One would have thought my melodramatic younger self would have preferred the dreariness of Lent, but I didn’t. The drama queen act was a cover for a very shy, homely, easily frightened and awkward girl with absolutely no confidence. Lent seemed to blow away that cover which left me feeling very exposed. I worried about upsetting and disappointing people around me. I felt that during Lent my thoughts, faults and failings were left in the open for God and the world to see and judge. Besides, Lent meant giving up things and fasting from things. I obviously had little self-control and discipline, considering I would give into most of the far-fetched ideas that entered my head, like the misconceptions I had regarding Lent.

My views have changed since then. I’ve learned to accept and embrace who I am as a Daughter of God, with all of my weaknesses and strengths, failures and triumphs. Instead of dreading these 40 days, I now long for them for the very reasons I disliked them in my youth.

Lent is the perfect time for stripping myself of all unnecessary distractions so I can see myself as I truly am through the eyes of Christ. There is grace enough for me to walk through the gray, cold, desolate areas of my life. Christ accompanies me every step of the way as I learn to die to my desires through fasting and prayer.

Don’t get the wrong idea – I have not mastered Lenten practices. It continues to be a MAJOR challenge but I love it! The more I give myself to the difficulties of Lent, the more dynamic the Easter celebration will be. I am confident this Lent will be a great adventure!

http://ceciliamschwartz.wordpress.com/

This evening at 8pm, myself, the majority of my friends, and a host of other people will be consecrating ourselves to Jesus by way of St. Louis de Montfort’s Total Consecration to Jesus Through Mary.

I have read some of St. Louis’ writings, but have never officially consecrated myself. Some background on this devotion that will take place over the next 33 days:

Total Consecration is an absolutely beautiful exercise to increase your spirituality and ability to truly serve our Lord Jesus Christ. The basic premise set forth by St. Louis Marie de Montfort is simply that Jesus came into the world through Mary and that for us to always be assured of being close to Jesus, even closer than ever before, we should go through Mary.

Initially, this idea may seem strange to some. Why consecration? And why consecration through Mary? What does that even mean?

Consecration means to set aside for a sacred purpose. Mary’s life was set aside for the sole purpose of serving our Lord. By following her example, we, too, can completely give ourselves to Christ in a fundamental way that consecrates us to Him. We give our lives to Him in service and love.

Consecration to Jesus through Mary according to the method of St. Louis de Montfort is a method used by Pope John Paul II and it is this consecration that lead to the founding of Rosary Army in 2003.

Why do this?

We consecrate ourselves in order to be more devoted to the Lord and His Blessed Mother. It helps us grow in holiness and increase our faith, hope, and love. It is a prayerful and focused method of drawing closer to Jesus than ever before.

Rosary Army has some really great explanations and podcasts on this topic.

I was talking to my girlfriend who has done the consecration for the last ten years, and she told me to “get ready” because powerful things happen. I believe it, as I have had some amazing things happen to me through the intercession of Mary, and over the years as I have grown closer to her, my understanding of God’s love and relationship with Christ has grown exponentially.

I’ll keep you posted over the next 33 days!

I had a conversation with two acquaintances over the weekend. They’re both adult women in their late 20s that have reached a trasitional point in their lives. The first was praying about a potential business move, and the second was praying about getting a new job.

My advice to the both of them was to “watch and wait.” The Lord tells us in Jeremiah 29:11:

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I’m the type of person who does not like surprises. After I had my conversion it was very difficult to trust God’s will with what to do with my life, especially since at the time I was picking colleges and trying to decide what exactly I wanted to study. But sometimes I think Christians can hinder themselves under the guise of trusting God. That need to be in control, that pressure and anxiety is the work of the Enemy. Whenever I get stressed over a situation, especially a big decision, I pray the Jesus Prayer:

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.

It’s a very centering prayer that eliminates the anxiety and brings you back into communion with the Spirit. I hope this post finds you well, but if you are faced with a big decision, I would tell you to watch and wait. It may come in the form of a random comment from a stranger, but you will get the answer you need.

Pax Christi, Rebecca.

I took an Orthodox spirituality class during this now past fall semester. I had become fascinated by the Orthodox church after a meeting between Orthodox and Roman Catholic priests took place on my college’s campus last year. I can say honestly that I have grown a fondness for Orthodoxy and pray for the unity between our two churches, as well as the unification of all other Christian denominations.

This made me smile:

CATHOLICS AND ORTHODOX UNITE TO DEFEND FAMILY

Prelates of Both Churches Join to Make Plan

With families in Europe facing new and greater challenges, Catholic and Orthodox bishops are uniting to offer a common defense of the sacrament of marriage and the bases of the family.

Last week, at the first common forum between Catholic and Orthodox bishops on the theme of family, the prelates considered their common vision of family values, and aimed to offer a joint pastoral plan. During the working sessions, the bishops discussed their common understanding of the complementarity of man and woman, the sacramental character of indissoluble marriage, and theological understandings of the family.

The forum was sponsored by the Council of Episcopal Conferences of Europe. Among the participants were Monsignors Grzegorz Kaszak, Bernard Munono, and Jacques Suaudeau, members of the Pontifical Councils for the Family, and for Justice and Peace, and the Pontifical Academy for Life, respectively.

According to Orthodox Bishop Hilarion Alfeyev of Vienna and Austria, Russian Orthodox Patriarch Alexy II, who died Dec. 5, was an ardent supporter of the forum.

Both delegations affirmed their understanding of matrimony between a man and a woman as part of God’s plan, and not a simple human institution.

To support this vision, Bosnian Orthodox theologian Vaclav Jezek urged an “authentic theology on the relationship between men and women, and between parents and children.”

“The family is not the product of a coincidence,” he said, “but rather the perfect image of communion.”

The prelates further affirmed their common vision of marriage as an indissoluble union between man and woman, and human fertility as a gift of God.

They expressed concern about the situation of the family in the West, particularly low birth rates, the consequences of gender theories, and the imposition of the idea that homosexual unions are the same as marriage.

Bishop Alfeyev lamented the position of the Christian West, “which pressures the Third World and the Islamic world to accept contraception, abortion and sterilization.”

Meanwhile, the secretary of the Pontifical Council for the Family, Monsignor Kaszak, decried the imposition “on consciences” of ideologies contrary to the family. “These challenges are sufficient reason to motivate us to carry out common actions in defense of matrimony and the family against various attacks,” he said, “and to bring to light more and more the beauty of the divine plan for Christian homes.”