.

A reader asked me to make a post about “chaste” romantic films appropriate for young women. In honor of St. Valentine’s Day that post is on its way, however, I first want to preface it with some thoughts on “chick flicks.”

As someone in film school who has been trained to look at the messages of films critically, I am always perplexed at how people, especially women, do not know how to decipher the layers of movies and media. Every film has a message. (Or at least most of them do.) This means that all “chick flicks” have messages too. Women, especially some of you younger readers in your teens, need to be careful about the movies and TV shows that you’re watching. The phrase, “you are what you eat” springs to mind.

I’ve heard some people call chick flicks “porn for women.” At the time I didn’t understand the phrase, but years later I see its truth. I’m not telling you not to watch all movies, but we must realize that many of the representations of manhood and womanhood in today’s media are not in accordance with the Gospel. They are distortions of sexuality, pure and simple. It is not the mark of a godly man to be a vampire…regardless of how attractive that Edward Cullen is. It is the mark of a godly man to serve the Lord and the Body of Christ.

I think a lot of women, especially Christian women, have embodied the negative messages of feminism that are pushed is some of these chick flicks. (Though let me be clear here that feminism has had an appropriate role in history.) I have seen this in my own behavior, and it has taken a lot of time to re-orient my understanding of femininity. And trust me; I’m still a work in progress…

But in any case, if you have questions you will let me know of course?

Now on to movies!

~Rebecca

Below is just an excerpt of what he wrote…I highly suggest visiting his site and reading the entire post because #1 it’s freaking hilarious and #2 he is very, very, very right:

A young man and a young woman meet and have a few dates. They go for a weekend at a bed and breakfast where they bed one another, and then have breakfast. If he isn’t too much of a jerk and she isn’t too picky, they are then an item. She goes to the doctor gets a prescription and goes on to a more permanent form of birth control. At some time during this stage, the uncomfortable meeting with the parents happens. Everyone is polite and “supportive.” Secretly the father of the young woman who knows exactly what’s going on, contemplates buying a gun and the mother of the young man begins gossiping with whomever will listen about how her little boy could do better. After a while, if things hold up, they begin to have the conversation about taking their relationship to the “next level” by which they mean shacking up, as we used to call it. Now, I think it’s called moving in together.

Mom and Dad buy housewarming gifts in an attempt to, once again, be supportive. They don’t want their little dears to hate them and besides, it’s what everyone is doing these days, so it can’t be wrong. They have vague thoughts about getting married at that point and mom explains to grandma and to friends at church that they are just doing it to save money for the wedding. At this stage an engagement ring may appear. At some point, when they think about getting the house and the kids, because that’s what you do, they decide to have the wedding.

They rent the hall and then go see the priest. He tells them there are four other weddings that day and they respond, “but we’ve rented the hall already.” Someone suggests a garden wedding if the church is occupied. The priest says we can’t do garden weddings. (More on this later.) The young couple begins to complain about how narrow-minded the Church is with all these rules and regulations. They eventually pick a date. Then the bottom drops out. It seems the groom is not Catholic. He was baptized in the First Reformed Church of the Druids, though he never practiced. This means there must be a dispensation for the marriage, another irritating Catholic invention, and the wedding date cannot be confirmed until the dispensation is received.

The bride goes back to her doctor, this time for a prescription for valium. Her mother joins her on this visit. Finally the dispensation is granted, The groom’s druid will do one of the readings at the wedding, the loans are taken out, the banns are published. Then there is the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. The best man comes to the rehearsal drunk out of his mind, the groom only slightly tipsy. The bride is furious at everyone for some reason known to her alone. Probably because the groom is far more interested in drinking and watching the football game on his hand held computer thing than he is in gazing lovingly into her eyes in anticipation of the great day. In fact they haven’t been, well… friendly in weeks. It is, after all, football season.

The special day comes, the best man is still drunk, the groom is hung over, no one knew about that interesting tattoo that the maid of honor had way low on her back, now revealed by the plunging back of her dress that is held up only by wishful thinking. Grandma, upon reading the logo of the maid of honor’s tattoo, has fainted. Somewhere in all this the vows are exchanged, and quite a few of the wedding party receive their first Holy Communion that day, however one of the ushers puts the host in his suit pocket not having a clue what it is. (This actually has happened to me twice.)

The pictures have been taken. The noise level in the church reaches that of an English soccer match after the riot has broken out. The children are jumping off the altar and the priest is scowling at everyone. Now on to the pictures in the forest preserve, a “must” at every wedding. There the wedding party is attacked by mosquitoes, one of the children falls into the lagoon and the bride is having a hard time smiling for the photos. The best man passes out. On to the reception.

The bride loses it because the shade of fuchsia in the floral center pieces clashes with the shade of fuchsia in the wedding party’s outfit. The groom adjourns to the bar where the game is on the television. The wedding dinner is served as music is played at a mind numbing volume. Grandma is better now. She has turned off her hearing aid. The priest is seated with the pious relatives in plaid suit coats and leaves shortly after the grace before meals.

The best man makes the toast which drones on about how he loves the groom and one begins to wonder. The college roommate/maid of honor does the same for the bride, going on for fifteen minutes about how she knew the bride would find eternal marital bliss the moment she met her in the third grade and they have been like sisters ever since. Then at some point, there is a video presentation of embarrassing photos not unlike the ones that are now shown at wakes.
The bar opens up again. The music reaches levels that cause blood to drip from some peoples’ nose and ears. The joyous event ends with the bride and groom being the last to leave the hall. They are slow to go up to the room they have rented in the hotel because nothing new or beautiful awaits them there. The groom promptly falls asleep, being heavily sedated already, and, as he snores away, with his shoes still on, our blushing bride, having shed her dress of virginal white, thinks back on this day, her special day, the most important day in her life, the day she has dreamt of since she was a little girl.

They will stay an extra day at the hotel, but cannot afford the time or money to go on a honeymoon because on Monday they will both be back at work in order to pay off the colossal bill that their special day has incurred. For some reason, the bride is depressed. Perhaps she is realizing that the high point of her life is now past and the rest of it will be spent with the lump that is now snoring beside her with whom she has never really had a serious conversation, except about the proper shade of fuchsia for the floral centerpieces. So it is that we celebrate the marriage of Christ and His Church in these enlightened and tolerant times.

One thing I’ve learned about about living in LA is that many times when you see “celebrities” you don’t even recognize them.

Apparently, I met and had an entire conversation with CCM singer and actress Rebecca St. James two weeks ago…without ever having realized who she was! LOL, and I totally had my IPod in my purse with her music on it!

I found this interview of her on Youtube. Be inspired!

Boundless has put together a pretty good guide to the Christian marriage process I thought I would share with you. (There’s also a guide for guys.)

Pay particular attention to the “Not Your Buddy” section. No, they’re not saying you can’t have male friends (my best friend is a guy) but they are calling girls out on those “friendships” that really aren’t. You know, that guy girls hang around with constantly just hoping he’ll turn into Mr. Darcy….

In any case, you can go to Boundless’ website and they’ll email you a copy, or here is a direct link to a PDF.

Look.

You know I keep it real here at Modestia. Like really real.

Modest girls do not, or at least should not, wear strapless bridal gowns. Or low cut bridal gowns. Or super busty bridal gowns (which for some reason there seems to be a lot of at my parish.) And this goes especially for Catholic brides. I touched on this a little bit during last year’s Modest Bridal Week in a post entitled, “The Case for Modest Bridal Wear: Five Reasons”. Below is some of what I said, with new comments in Modestia pink:

I know a fairly large number of very devout Catholic women who wore strapless gowns on their wedding day for whatever reason. [I find now that the "reason" is either not knowing where to get a modest bridal gown, or hating the selection of modest bridal gowns currently offered---two issues I'm trying to provide solutions for.] I’ve got 5 reasons as to why women should dress modestly on their big day:

1. If it isn’t appropriate to wear a strapless top or dress to a regular Sunday mass it is certainly not okay to do so while taking a sacrament. [Upon second reading I have no idea why I said "taking a sacrament." Within Catholic theology, we believe that the bride and groom "minister" the sacrament to each other, not the priest. The priest is only a witness to the ceremony.]

Unfortunately, many priests don’t set standards of modesty in their parishes today. But even out here in LA I think you’d be hard-pressed to find a woman rocking a tube top near the Blessed Sacrament on any given Sunday. [I was new to parish life in LA at the time. I've seen daisy dukes front and center at mass.] So why be immodest during a public sacramental ceremony? [Which again, speaks to the nature of what is happening during a marriage ceremony. We expect our priests to show up in proper attire during mass, don't we? If Fr. So-and-so showed up in jeans on your wedding day or any other religious event, everyone would be scratching their heads. The same goes for the groom. Why is it proper then, for the bride to have her DDs out during a sacramental ceremony?]

2. Immodest bridal wear uncovers what should not yet be revealed….

Go with me here for a second because I know it may sound like an ultra-conservative position. A number of us are going to get married as virgins. But MANY of us are going to get married as women who have previously fallen to lives of sexual sin and worked very hard to cooperate with God’s sanctifying grace in order to live a life of chastity. Regardless of past sins, after all that work to stay chaste and maintain your mystery during your relationship, why would you want to ruin the “surprise” for your fiancee and for yourself? If the two of you waited X amount of months or years to give yourselves wholly to one another, another 2 hours for a nuptial mass and a reception won’t kill him….or you…[Speaks for itself. I know there are some people that get really antsy whenever a Christian starts talking about women and sexual purity, so let me put it to you another way.  Everyone at your wedding knows you and your new husband are going to...ahem...engage in the "marital act" shortly after your wedding. I've heard some very awkward jokes during the reception myself after the alcohol has been flowing for a few hours.  Do you really want all of your friends and relatives to get a nice picture of what you're "working with" right before what is supposed to be an exclusive and intimate experience?  Because that's what you're doing if you're uncovered.]

3. Because it’s what your Mother did!

Take a look at the image header of this blog. Our Mother Mary is beautiful…and covered! If there is any woman we should model ourselves after on our wedding day it is the Blessed Mother who was wed to St. Joseph, her Most Chaste Spouse.

4. Because modesty in dress was and always will be a public testimony.

Let’s look at what scripture says about women on their wedding days:

Rebekah, wife of Isaac

“Isaac went out in the evening to walk in the field; and looking up he saw camels coming. And Rebekah looked up, and when she saw Isaac, she slipped quickly from the camel, and said to the servant, “Who is the man walking over there, walking in the field to meet us?” The servant said, “It is my master.” So she took her veil and covered herself…He took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her.” (Genesis 24: 63-67)

At this point in the story, Rebekah and Isaac had not physically met. Regardless of the cultural norms of the time, Rebekah veiling herself is a fitting example of covering oneself before the marital union is complete.

Unnamed bride

“The princess is decked in her chamber with gold-woven robes; in many-colored robes she is led to the king; behind her the virgins, her companions follow. With joy and gladness they are led along as they enter the palace of the king.” (Psalm 45: 12-15)

This particular psalm actually reminds me of a profession of vows for women religious. There is a certain joy in presenting oneself appropriately to God. That joy should not be lost on your wedding day.

Ruth, wife of Boaz

Now this was the custom in former times in Israel concerning redeeming and exchanging: to confirm a transaction, the one took off a sandal and gave it to the other…[Boaz] took off his sandal. Then Boaz said to the elders and all the people, “Today you are witnesses that I have acquired from the hand of Naomi all that belonged to Elimelech and all that belonged to Chilion and Mahlon. I have also acquired Ruth the Moabite, the wife of Mahlon, to be my wife…the elders said, “We are witnesses. May the Lord make the woman who is coming into your house like Rachel and Leah, who together built up the house of Israel. May you produce children…and through the children that the Lord will give you by this young woman, may your house be like the house of Perez, whom Tamar bore to Judah.” (Ruth 4: 9-12)

I absolutely adore the story of Ruth and think it is required reading for all Christian women. Don’t let the “women as a transaction” angle of the passage fool you; Ruth is a proactive woman who pursued Boaz because he was a holy man and she saw that he would make a godly husband.

This verse does not address modesty, but I selected it because it suggests something else: marriage as a public testimony. It may seem silly to us in our contemporary time, but this episode of Boaz taking off his sandal in front of the elders and others is a clear example of putting away selfish desires to give testimony through action. Instead of just marrying Ruth privately, Boaz does so in front of all in his tribe. The couple then receives a blessing—a blessing to have children that will hopefully build up the community. We sometimes tend to think of marriage as a private act when in fact it is not. Marriage is a public act. We need married couples dedicated to God within the church and society at large.

With regard to bridal wear, when a woman takes care to dress modestly on her wedding day in front of God, her fiancee, her family, his family, and her congregation, she is publicly testifying as to Whom is in the center of that union. We all want to look beautiful on our wedding day, but I would implore you to think about what your physical appearance says to others. We are called to be role models, especially for younger women.

5. There are so many beautiful modest gown options, (some in places you would never think to look) why would you want to dress immodestly?
Besides, strapless gowns don’t flatter every body type. [Correction: strapless gowns flatter hardly anyone. And that is gospel truth.]

If you have already gotten married and wore a strapless or otherwise immodest gown, please do not take offense. Like all spiritual matters, modesty is a developing and evolving virtue. I’m being firm in my tone because I’ve gotten a lot of “But Rebecca, but…” on this subject, even from modest-minded women. The fact of the matter is that a marriage ceremony is not a just another outing with your friends at a nightclub. We have become very relaxed as a society, even within Christian circles, about how we treat marriage and it shows within our weddings. When a bride’s appearance is an after thought, but you’re trying to scheme the groom or your parents into dropping five grand on some shiny crystal thing-a-ma-bob you don’t need, there’s something wrong.

Questions for me?

Image: Orbis Catholicus

No I’m not kidding.

A couple of months ago I was driving with a group of large—large here meaning tall— men in my vehicle when I glanced over at my passenger seat. To my surprise, my guest appeared to be in some sort of stress. He was slightly red and it was almost as if he was deliberately trying to keep his head still and eyes focused on my face during our conversation. I actually thought to myself, “What’s wrong with him?”, until I turned back to the road and glanced downward.

You see, I drive with a certain posture: my left leg is typically pulled toward my body, propped up with my left arm resting on my knee to comfortably navigate the steering wheel. The left side of the dress I was wearing had slid back, exposing part of my thigh. (That’s not modest!)

A few weeks back I told this story to a friend of mine who started laughing hysterically because her driving posture is identical to mine and she noticed the same problem, only it was with a man who was in an SUV sitting next to her in traffic.

So basically…when you’re driving with a skirt or a dress on, remember to be mindful of its err…placement…

I almost feel ridiculous making this post, but it’s true!

YES.

Yes it does.

I will be the first to admit that I have not always been an advocate of modest swimwear, especially since some of it is not very….fashionable.  But when I was dressed in my tankini with a plunging neckline, I was never really able to escape the nagging feeling that I was being hypocritical.

I pushed the feeling away by telling myself that I was at the beach, I’m a SoCal girl, modesty standards are different here, and blah blah blah. In a sense I was correct—I am a SoCal girl and modesty standards are different here, but am I called to live to the standards of California or to the everlasting truth of Christ?

I personally know A LOT of girls who advocate modesty and yet still rock bikinis at the beach.  If you believe what I once did—that modesty doesn’t apply during the summer—please keep reading.

I had a discussion with a group of friends last week about this very subject. My guy friend, “D” as I shall refer to him, said something I think many men are thinking but won’t say out loud:

“I don’t think women really understand how poisoned we are and how much we men, especially Christian men, still struggle with lust. We need your help.”

Well there you have it. In a perfect, undefiled world, men and women would be able to stare at each other butt naked and think, “Wow, look at this beautiful creation of God.” But as I am sure you are aware, we do not live in a perfect world. We live in an ongoing war zone, a battle for souls.

Ladies, which side are you on?

“Love can’t wait to give, Lust can’t wait to take”
~Christopher West

This topic will be continued, but in the meantime I definitely want to hear what you have to say…

To the guy who apologized for not opening the door at Starbucks last week—I didn’t expect you to, as you had three coffees in your hand—

but I appreciated your consideration. 

To my friend “D,” (or shall I call you King Julien?), one of the most caring and intellectual men I’ve ever met—

I appreciate you.

To my BFF “L,” who has stayed up late with me, prayed with me, and flat out told me when I’m acting crazy—

I appreciate you.

To my friend “W,” who always opens the door and offers a fresh perspective—

I appreciate you.

To my uncles who have stepped up during the various points in my life when I needed it the most—

Gosh darnit I appreciate you.

To the priests, friars, and other male religious in my life—

Your holiness has affected me profoundly.  I appreciate you.

Christ-filled men of the world, I appreciate you!

(And I just wanted to say it…because sometimes you don’t get enough credit.)

Last week I attended a luncheon at which a former flame was present. I reallyreallyreally didn’t want to go the luncheon, but my mother had RSVP’d for the two of us, and I couldn’t get out of it unless I went into the gory details of why I didn’t want to see this particular gentleman whom she both loves and adores…(which only worsened the situation.)

That morning I changed my outfit about 6 times, and took twice the normal amount of time to do my devotions, feed the dog, and perform the rest of my morning ritual. About half way through my self-induced panic attack, some little voice inside my head asked, “Rebecca, why on earth are you so upset?” 

The one-word answer is pride. I wanted to be impressive that day. I wanted to look perfect, be perfect, and give off the aura that I was better than he was.

It was about a 30 minute drive to the restaurant, so I decided to turn off my radio, take out my rosary, and pray during my journey.  I asked God to forgive me, and for the Blessed Mother to pray that I would learn humility, kindness, and patience.

Long story short, by the time I arrived the anxiety had vanished. My ex was a little fidgety and nervous, but we were cordial to each other, and I ended up enjoying myself. I find my behavior to be both embarrassing and completely immature now, but I’m sharing this with you because there’s a lesson here.

While I was praying I meditated on the marriage of Mary and Joseph. If Joseph had done something to upset our Mother, would she have held a grudge or tried to hurt him for punishment? Of course not.  When you’re a girl, it can be very difficult to deal with guys from the past. But I am convinced that if we are to be good women, good friends, and good wives, we must learn how to deal with the pains of relationships in a godly manner.

I’m currently reading the book “Married Saints & Blesseds,” by Ferdinand Holbock. There’s a chapter on St. Monica, mother of St. Augustine, whose husband was completely horrible to her through the majority of their marriage. But Monica performed her wifely duties and acts of charity in the community, and eventually her husband was converted and baptized. Now that’s an example we should follow.

Pax Christi, Rebecca.

CBB wrote a post on Ali Landry’s choice of dress for her daughter Estela that generated a variety of comments: 

Ali Landry Starts the Season; Talks Baby Style

“[For myself,] I’m a bargain shopper extraordinaire. We’re talking $20 for the shoes. For my baby I do not go cheap chic. I fly to Louisiana and buy all her clothes there, because I am very much classic, traditional [for] Estela. When we’re out and about people are like, ‘Oh, it’s a baptism. Oh, it’s a party.’ I’m like, ‘No, we dress her like this every day.’

I put her in bonnets till just a few weeks ago and she wears the shoes, little socks with the ruffles, a bow in her hair. She’s always a completely dressed and very classic baby. I refuse to do trendy. Babies — in my opinion — should not be trendy; they’re a baby for a very short amount of time; they should look like a baby. Now she’s 16 months and she wears dresses; I never put her in a pair of pants ever.”

Some of the commenters on the post thought that it was a bit over the top to not dress a girl in pants while others applauded Ali’s statements. I’m not into the pants vs. skirt discussion, but I thought this was interesting because it goes into the topic of baby girls and modesty.

A lot of the girl’s clothes I see on the rack now are basically shrunken versions of adult clothes; something in my estimation is wholly inappropriate. I’m not a parent so I can only speak from my opinion, but this new “trendy baby” generation seems to be step one in oversexualizing girls at a young age. It may not seem significant as we’re talking about infants who won’t remember what they’ve worn, but from what I’ve seen, trendy babies become trendy little girls, and some of the trends for young girls today are not ones that we should be encouraging. (Those whorish Bratz dolls come to mind.)

I haven’t asked her but I think my mother would side with Ali as most of the pictures I have seen of myself as an infant have been of me in a dress, stockings, and a bonnet. I guess I won’t know until if and when I have a baby girl, but I’m curious, what do you think about a baby girl’s wardrobe?

Classic or trendy?

~Rebecca.

I was actually there when this happened!

It seems religion wasn’t the only thing on some people’s minds at the 2008 World Youth Day. While over two hundred thousand people walked across the Sydney Harbour Bridge,
Brisbane pilgrim Joe Frassetto dropped on bended knee and proposed to partner Samantha Ovett who accepted amid cheering onlookers.

The Catholic Leader reports that Joe made his proposal in the midst of a crowd of 200,000 pilgrims on their way to Randwick for the Papal Mass.

Within a smaller group of Sunnybank parishioners and local students, accompanied by Oxenford parish priest Fr Adrian Sharp, Joe said he “thought of proposing every day” of the couple’s two year courtship, describing the actual moment as “perfect”.

Chorused by cheering and clapping from onlookers, the proposal was accepted and Fr Sharp agreed to celebrate the impending nuptials.

Himself overcome with emotion Fr Sharp said committing to the vocation of marriage is symbolic of what World Youth Day “was calling forth” in its pilgrims.

“We all need to take the same leap of faith, believing that we have been filled with power by the Holy Spirit so that we can be the Lord’s witnesses in the world,” Fr Sharp said.

The Sunnybank couple were distant acquaintances in their teens with Sam two years older than Joe who, despite the age difference, admitted to a “high school crush”.

Years later, their paths once again crossed.

Early in their courtship Samantha expressed a desire to become Catholic and was baptised at Our Lady of Lourdes, Sunnybank, in November last year journeying on the RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults).

Samantha said her future husband, an industrial design student, was “supportive but not pushy” about the decision.

Saying “no one else existed” during the proposal, the 26 year old only remembered the presence of tens thousands of others after the crowd vocalised their excitement.

“Once everyone started yelling I thought, ‘Yes, there’s lots of people around’ … initially it was like no body else existed.”

Brian Pessaro wrote a heart-felt article on Godspy about why he prays the rosary, even though it isn’t easy.

Brian writes that he used to struggle with pornography, but after only praying the rosary one time, his addiction “vanished that first night.” I too had a similar experience with the beaded sword:

My freshman year of college I liked this guy…I mean I REALLY liked this guy…to the point of dropping things when he walked into the room.

I had known him in high school while I was still in my “bad girl” phase pre-conversion, and during that time he was a great guy. One night while on retreat I decided to “investigate” so to speak to see if he was still the nice guy I had known years beforehand. We were talking about college and relationships with a group of people from one of our classes when he so casually told me he wasn’t looking for a relationship, but rather “hook ups.”

I was totally heartbroken…and yet I was still attracted to him too. I asked God to take away my desires, but weeks later I was still getting the clammy hands and nervous giggles.

One day I decided to go to one of my campus’ chapels to pray. I was about to leave when I passed the statue of the Blessed Mother. I had never prayed there before. I don’t know why, but I dropped to my knees and prayed a rosary…which I hadn’t done for at least 5 years. I didn’t even have a rosary with me, but somehow I remembered exactly how to pray one.

I asked the Blessed Mother for her intercession. I knew my attraction was unhealthy and I wanted to be rid of it. Could she help me? 

The next day I saw “him” as I was walking to class. He stopped to say hello, which would usually let out dozens of butterflies in my stomach. I said “hey” and kept walking. I didn’t realize it until later that night, but my attraction had vanished into thin air, much like Brian’s addiction to pornography.

I have been dedicated to praying the rosary ever since.

On the topic of staying chaste, my secret is daily mass, rosaries, and working out 4-5 times a week in the gym…it’s the prescription I recommend to all, male and female. LOL. 

Now go to talk to your Mother!

~Rebecca

Sorry I haven’t made a chastity post in a while, but I’ve had midterms for the last two weeks!

Boundless Webzine, pretty much my favorite non-Catholic Christian resource, devoted a blog post to some of the many questions women should ask while “vetting” a man for marriage:

Spiritual

• Will he be the spiritual leader of your home?
• When you share with him your deepest spiritual thoughts, does he relate?
• Do his life and conversation reveal that he is truly connected with the Savior?
• Do his goals in life show that he wants to please the Lord above all?
• Are his goals in life compatible with yours?

Emotional

• How does he handle anger?
• Does he demonstrate emotional stability?

Mental

• Do you respect him intellectually?

Financial

• Does he have a gambling addiction?
• Does he have a spending addiction?
• How does he handle finances (budgeting, what he spends money on, tithing)?
• Is he a diligent, dependable worker?
• Does he make enough money to support you and future children?
• Does he expect you to work outside the home, or does he expect you to stay home with the kids?

These are honest questions, and I think it goes into the overall issue of having a “list” of sorts for a male partner. Some of the commenters did not take to this idea too well, calling it judgemental.

I take the opposite view. The church teaches that marriage is a special union, so special in fact that it cannot be broken according to the teachings of Christ (check out Matt. 19:1-11). But in order for a Catholic marriage to be in fact marriage (now we’re getting into the theology of annulments) each partner must be “free” in partaking in this union:

CCC#1638 “From a valid marriage arises a bond between the spouses which by its very nature is perpetual and exclusive; furthermore, in a Christian marriage the spouses are strengthened and, as it were, consecrated for the duties and the dignity of their state by a special sacrament.”

CCC# 1625 ….”to be free” means:

- not being under constraint;
- not impeded by any natural or ecclesiastical law

CCC#1632 So that the “I do” of the spouses may be a free and responsible act and so that the marriage covenant may have solid and lasting human and Christian foundations, preparation for marriage is of prime importance.”

Say your boyfriend who you would like to become your fiancee has an addiction to pornography…that you don’t know about. How would you know? You don’t live with him (or at least you shouldn’t) and pornography is not usually a subject that comes up over the dinner table.

If you are in a serious Christian relationship for the purpose of marriage, it’s okay to ask if 1) he is addicted to pornography and/or 2) if he has ever struggled with pornography. As a matter of fact, I would say you BETTER ask if you want that “I do” to be free. I have watched pornography, adultery, and lust destroy perfectly “Catholic” marriages and relationships, some within my own family. It’s not to say that if your BF has struggled with this you should not marry him, but you do need to know for the sake of your future. Marriages must begin in freedom to grow in Christ.

The same goes for things like life goals and finances. I couldn’t imagine marrying a man who did not volunteer as much as I do, and a man who wants to spend hoards of time with his partner on the weekends probably wouldn’t like me much unless he wanted to spend that time with me out on Skid Row or in front of an abortion clinic. My life goals revolve around service of the church.

I’ve read many times that finances are a major source of tension for newlyweds. If you are a shop-a-holic or a compulsive shopper, it might not be a good idea for you to marry a frugal accountant. (If you are either of these things, email me as I have some advice for you.)

Now these are questions to ask, but what about having a list of requirements? The first time I ever heard of this I too thought it was a bit judgmental. But when I heard that chastity speaker Crystalina Evert had a list, I warmed up to the idea. Crystalina had a list of over 50 things she wanted in her husband, and found that her husband fulfilled every single one.

My list has exactly 50 items and includes things like my future partner being Catholic, pro-life, slow to anger, etc. Please note that there is no “tall, dark, and handsome” on the list! LOL. For this reason I am a fan of having a list. I don’t think there is anything wrong about knowing what you want and asking God for it. When I wrote my list I prayed about it and offered it up to God.

So now I ask, do you have a list?

Pax Christi, Rebecca.

Seriously.

Mexican actor does sidewalk counseling in Los Angeles as part of 40 Days for Life campaign

 Eduardo Verástegui, the Mexican actor who starred in the movie “Bella,” joined pro-life sidewalk counselors and prayerful demonstrators at a Los Angeles abortion clinic last Saturday as he counseled women to turn away from aborting their unborn children. 

Many of the demonstrators were present at the Family Planning Associates abortion clinic as part of the 40 Days for Life campaign. 

John Anthony, co-coordinator of 40 Days for Life Los Angeles, described Verástegui’s efforts in an e-mail to CNA. The actor arrived at the clinic just after 8 in the morning and stayed until shortly after noon. According to Anthony, Verástegui spent time in prayer and counseled and encouraged women to keep their babies, acting with “love, tenderness, humility and compassion.” 

Verástegui and four of his friends showed some women the pro-life film Dura Realidad (A Hard Truth) and directed mothers to the Los Angeles Pregnancy Services (LAPS) crisis pregnancy center for help. 

Anthony told CNA that LAPS was “busier than ever,” reporting that one LAPS staffer said the morning was the busiest they had ever seen. 

“Five babies were saved that morning!” Anthony said. “Prayer and love in action were key and beautifully exemplified by all present. 

“The day had a dramatic ending when eight nurses from the mill came outside to meet Eduardo!” Anthony continued. “He spoke with them and gave them a Miraculous Medal as well as a copy of the video Dura Realidad.” Source

I actually met Eduardo two weeks ago. He was very amiable and gave me and my male companion a miraculous medal before we parted ways. (Click the link for pics.)

I will be out at the downtown Los Angeles post for 40 Days of Life this weekend, and hope to be at the Life walk on the 18th. If you’re in LA, come on down. 40 Days for Life is nationwide, so find a location near you and let’s stand up for life.

Is the Bible Sexist?

Ummm…no.

Delilah is dangerous, Jezebel, wicked, and as for Eve… Whether they are temptresses, harlots or simply Old Testament chattels, women (it is often argued) get a raw deal in Scripture, with the odd saintly exception (the virgin Mary).

But new research into Biblical women shows that the majority receive positive or matter-of-fact write-ups. Words such as “blessed”, “righteous” “outstanding” and – of course – “beautiful” crop up in descriptions of 60 of the Bible’s 175 female characters, according to research from The Bible Society.

“Some people have the impression that the Bible is very negative about women,” says David Ashford, the Society’s Media and Development Officer.

Ashford’s research, based on analysing the words used to describe Biblical females, found that “there are four times as many saints as there are sinners,” and that “individual women are often described in the Bible in glowing terms.”

“Wisdom is described as a female attribute in many texts. And some scholars believe that the Song of Deborah, which was probably composed by a woman, is one of the oldest pieces of literature within the Bible (Judges 5).” Jesus, he adds, had a liberated attitude to women, unusual for his era: “John 4.27, for example, shows that Jesus broke social conventions that discouraged conversations with women. Similarly, the gospel of Luke has long been referred to as the ‘gospel of women’ for its strong positive portrayal of women in the life of Jesus.”

Hang on, what about the Jezebels, and Biblical harlots? Where do they fit the narrative? “Only 13 women are described negatively with terms such as ‘nagging, intimidating lustful or provocative’” asserts Ashford, whose list of Bible heroines includes Sarah, Ruth and Mary, while Jezebel, Delilah fall into the villain camp.

As for the rest, those women who fall somewhere in between “the sinner” and “the saint” are described in “neutral” matter-of-fact terms – mother of, sister of, neighbour of etc. Those who do not receive both positive and negative descriptions, for example Miriam in the Old Testament who in Exodus is described as “Prophetess” but by the book of Numbers is marked down as a sinner for questioning, along with Aaron, the authority of Moses.

Not everyone will agree with him, Ashford concedes. “The portrayal of women in the Bible is an emotive subject,” he writes in the Bible Style Guide, a reference book to the Bible Ashford has produced on behalf of the Bible Society for broadcasters and journalists. “Some feminist scholars take for granted the view that the Bible is essentially a sexist book.

“It was, they point out, written almost entirely by men, for men, using masculine language. These scholars view it as a ‘power tool’ that has been used down the centuries by mostly male leaders to keep women ‘in their place’. For most of Christian history, Biblical interpretation has often been associated with men rather than with women…However, other feminist scholars look at the Bible with different eyes. They maintain that the Bible is made up of many texts and therefore to dismiss it all as sexist is simplistic. As far as they are concerned, when properly considered, the Bible outlines a positive view of women and their relationships with men.”

“Of course, there are texts about women in the Bible that can present a problem, but Christians have different views about how to understand them” he concludes.

So is the problem that the portrayal of Biblical females has been misinterpreted? The renowned feminist Bible scholar Dr Phyllis Tribble says that Eve is the classic example of a misunderstood female in Scripture.

“Contrary to tradition, she is not created as the assistant or subordinate of the man. In fact, most often the Hebrew word ‘ezer’ (which means ‘helper’) connotes superiority (Ps. 121:2; 124:8; 146:5; Exod. 18:4; Deut. 33:7, 26, 29), thereby posing a rather different problem about this woman,” Tribble argues in her essay Feminist Hermeneutics and Biblical Studies.

She continues: “…The accompanying phrase ‘fit for’ or ‘corresponding to’ (’a helper corresponding to’) tempers the connotation of superiority to specify the mutuality of woman and man. Further, when the serpent talks with the woman (Gen. 3:1-5), he uses plural verb forms, making her the spokesperson for the human couple – hardly the pattern of a patriarchal culture. She discusses theology intelligently…”

“Speaking with clarity and authority” Eve is in fact both “theologian, ethicist, hermeneut and rabbi” and thus defies patriarchal stereotypes and “reverses what Church, synagogue and academy have preached about women.” Source