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Look.

You know I keep it real here at Modestia. Like really real.

Modest girls do not, or at least should not, wear strapless bridal gowns. Or low cut bridal gowns. Or super busty bridal gowns (which for some reason there seems to be a lot of at my parish.) And this goes especially for Catholic brides. I touched on this a little bit during last year’s Modest Bridal Week in a post entitled, “The Case for Modest Bridal Wear: Five Reasons”. Below is some of what I said, with new comments in Modestia pink:

I know a fairly large number of very devout Catholic women who wore strapless gowns on their wedding day for whatever reason. [I find now that the "reason" is either not knowing where to get a modest bridal gown, or hating the selection of modest bridal gowns currently offered---two issues I'm trying to provide solutions for.] I’ve got 5 reasons as to why women should dress modestly on their big day:

1. If it isn’t appropriate to wear a strapless top or dress to a regular Sunday mass it is certainly not okay to do so while taking a sacrament. [Upon second reading I have no idea why I said "taking a sacrament." Within Catholic theology, we believe that the bride and groom "minister" the sacrament to each other, not the priest. The priest is only a witness to the ceremony.]

Unfortunately, many priests don’t set standards of modesty in their parishes today. But even out here in LA I think you’d be hard-pressed to find a woman rocking a tube top near the Blessed Sacrament on any given Sunday. [I was new to parish life in LA at the time. I've seen daisy dukes front and center at mass.] So why be immodest during a public sacramental ceremony? [Which again, speaks to the nature of what is happening during a marriage ceremony. We expect our priests to show up in proper attire during mass, don't we? If Fr. So-and-so showed up in jeans on your wedding day or any other religious event, everyone would be scratching their heads. The same goes for the groom. Why is it proper then, for the bride to have her DDs out during a sacramental ceremony?]

2. Immodest bridal wear uncovers what should not yet be revealed….

Go with me here for a second because I know it may sound like an ultra-conservative position. A number of us are going to get married as virgins. But MANY of us are going to get married as women who have previously fallen to lives of sexual sin and worked very hard to cooperate with God’s sanctifying grace in order to live a life of chastity. Regardless of past sins, after all that work to stay chaste and maintain your mystery during your relationship, why would you want to ruin the “surprise” for your fiancee and for yourself? If the two of you waited X amount of months or years to give yourselves wholly to one another, another 2 hours for a nuptial mass and a reception won’t kill him….or you…[Speaks for itself. I know there are some people that get really antsy whenever a Christian starts talking about women and sexual purity, so let me put it to you another way.  Everyone at your wedding knows you and your new husband are going to...ahem...engage in the "marital act" shortly after your wedding. I've heard some very awkward jokes during the reception myself after the alcohol has been flowing for a few hours.  Do you really want all of your friends and relatives to get a nice picture of what you're "working with" right before what is supposed to be an exclusive and intimate experience?  Because that's what you're doing if you're uncovered.]

3. Because it’s what your Mother did!

Take a look at the image header of this blog. Our Mother Mary is beautiful…and covered! If there is any woman we should model ourselves after on our wedding day it is the Blessed Mother who was wed to St. Joseph, her Most Chaste Spouse.

4. Because modesty in dress was and always will be a public testimony.

Let’s look at what scripture says about women on their wedding days:

Rebekah, wife of Isaac

“Isaac went out in the evening to walk in the field; and looking up he saw camels coming. And Rebekah looked up, and when she saw Isaac, she slipped quickly from the camel, and said to the servant, “Who is the man walking over there, walking in the field to meet us?” The servant said, “It is my master.” So she took her veil and covered herself…He took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her.” (Genesis 24: 63-67)

At this point in the story, Rebekah and Isaac had not physically met. Regardless of the cultural norms of the time, Rebekah veiling herself is a fitting example of covering oneself before the marital union is complete.

Unnamed bride

“The princess is decked in her chamber with gold-woven robes; in many-colored robes she is led to the king; behind her the virgins, her companions follow. With joy and gladness they are led along as they enter the palace of the king.” (Psalm 45: 12-15)

This particular psalm actually reminds me of a profession of vows for women religious. There is a certain joy in presenting oneself appropriately to God. That joy should not be lost on your wedding day.

Ruth, wife of Boaz

Now this was the custom in former times in Israel concerning redeeming and exchanging: to confirm a transaction, the one took off a sandal and gave it to the other…[Boaz] took off his sandal. Then Boaz said to the elders and all the people, “Today you are witnesses that I have acquired from the hand of Naomi all that belonged to Elimelech and all that belonged to Chilion and Mahlon. I have also acquired Ruth the Moabite, the wife of Mahlon, to be my wife…the elders said, “We are witnesses. May the Lord make the woman who is coming into your house like Rachel and Leah, who together built up the house of Israel. May you produce children…and through the children that the Lord will give you by this young woman, may your house be like the house of Perez, whom Tamar bore to Judah.” (Ruth 4: 9-12)

I absolutely adore the story of Ruth and think it is required reading for all Christian women. Don’t let the “women as a transaction” angle of the passage fool you; Ruth is a proactive woman who pursued Boaz because he was a holy man and she saw that he would make a godly husband.

This verse does not address modesty, but I selected it because it suggests something else: marriage as a public testimony. It may seem silly to us in our contemporary time, but this episode of Boaz taking off his sandal in front of the elders and others is a clear example of putting away selfish desires to give testimony through action. Instead of just marrying Ruth privately, Boaz does so in front of all in his tribe. The couple then receives a blessing—a blessing to have children that will hopefully build up the community. We sometimes tend to think of marriage as a private act when in fact it is not. Marriage is a public act. We need married couples dedicated to God within the church and society at large.

With regard to bridal wear, when a woman takes care to dress modestly on her wedding day in front of God, her fiancee, her family, his family, and her congregation, she is publicly testifying as to Whom is in the center of that union. We all want to look beautiful on our wedding day, but I would implore you to think about what your physical appearance says to others. We are called to be role models, especially for younger women.

5. There are so many beautiful modest gown options, (some in places you would never think to look) why would you want to dress immodestly?
Besides, strapless gowns don’t flatter every body type. [Correction: strapless gowns flatter hardly anyone. And that is gospel truth.]

If you have already gotten married and wore a strapless or otherwise immodest gown, please do not take offense. Like all spiritual matters, modesty is a developing and evolving virtue. I’m being firm in my tone because I’ve gotten a lot of “But Rebecca, but…” on this subject, even from modest-minded women. The fact of the matter is that a marriage ceremony is not a just another outing with your friends at a nightclub. We have become very relaxed as a society, even within Christian circles, about how we treat marriage and it shows within our weddings. When a bride’s appearance is an after thought, but you’re trying to scheme the groom or your parents into dropping five grand on some shiny crystal thing-a-ma-bob you don’t need, there’s something wrong.

Questions for me?

Image: Orbis Catholicus